As Chef half of this duo, I hardly get a chance to write directly on the blog due to my hours but I contribute often with menus, recipes, food prep, instructions, responding to comments and even editing. Turns out that The Steward discovered that I make a decent editor -strange if you know me- but I find it is easier to edit her writing than mine.
We have found that one of the things that makes our blog unique is the combination of talents that we have and how we have merged them in life and work. But it has not always been easy. All of my chef colleagues and friends understand how difficult it is to manage both work and marriage especially when your job is so demanding. Our wives also seem to instantly understand each other’s experiences. You see, when it comes down to it, you have to live the life to understand. There is a misconception that all the lining of a chef’s jacket is made with gold leaf.
Being a chef is a very tall order. I think it must be even harder to be married to one, so here is my list of things I feel that anyone who is thinking of taking on one till death should really sit and marinate on.
Marrying a chef? What you need to know before saying “I do”
- You will be alone most of the time.
- You have got to have your own life. Having your own identity is essential in every relationship but being independent is even more critical when you are married to a person who you will hardly ever see.
- If you cannot approach the holidays, Valentines and special occasions like a single person, look the other way. Special occasions are when chefs work. You will stand alone under the mistletoe and New Year’s Eve will find you alone. Guaranteed.
- There is nothing glamourous about being a working restaurant chef. Forget what you see on TV, real chefs have long, tough hours day in and day out and come home smelling from anything from smoke, to onions to fish.
- Most chefs have no desire to cook at home. Just think of the prostitute who is expected to put out after a hard days work.
- We talk about amuse bouche in our sleep. Or waiters picking up the orders, or new menus or just food.
- We work long hours everyday. This is not an occasional late night in the office. This is daily hard, rough and tough back-breaking hours that would make cowards cry.
- It takes a long time in the trenches and most chefs never get to seniority. If you are looking for fame, marry an already famous movie star or go on Jerry Springer. If you are looking to get rich quick, join a Ponzi scheme.
- We really don’t feel like talking about “feelings” when we get home 2:00a.m. and we will try as best as possible, but sometimes, we will just start snoring.
- You have to learn when to talk like a short order cook because we will not have leisure time to just talk. Think of telegrams of the old says. Say it quick and short and make every word count.
- Do not call us in service unless it is important. No we cannot just disappear from the kitchen during service to talk for 10 minutes.
- You will eat dinner alone at least 5x per week. And breakfast.
- You will be criticized for your cooking as if you were a rookie apprentice commis chef. We just can’t help it sometimes.
- We love when you cook for us. Just don’t bother during work days because we are too tired most times.
- If you are going to cook something, call us or SMS us and let us know. That way, we will not eat staff dinner.
- We are passionate. We can’t help it. Passion is the blood than runs through our veins. This is not a job for the feint-hearted and passionless… it is for the one who truly loves his/her craft and lives and breathes for it (and even dreams about it see #6 )
- For the same reason, we marry for love. However, if your dowry includes the cash to open our own restaurant, that wouldn’t hurt either. Just saying.
- Our marriages are hard, and some don’t make it, but they are important to us.
- When we are off work, we are often just tired, sleep all day or watch TV and get grumpy. Just ignore us. No joke. We really wish you would. Life is just better that way.
- Do not get in our way in the weeks leading up to a new menu or months leading up a restaurant or hotel opening. Really bad idea.
- You will have to handle most of the housekeeping matters. Refer to #7 and #19.
- We are romantics. There goes that passion again. We will surprise you just when you least expect it.
- Chefs support each other, and good chefs get treated well by wait staff. That means that every time we dine together, you will be treated like royalty. Enjoy the perks. You deserve it.
- When we cook for you at home, you will fall in love all over again. Just like you did the first time. Exceptions made in #27.
- We tend to be a little cocky. It comes with the territory. Even females chefs. Female chefs kick ass!
- You should love food. If we live and breathe it and you cannot stand it, there will eventually be a legal paper filed at some point due to “irreconcilable differences.”
- You have to have a sense of adventure. You will be our guinea pig. We may work on a recipe repeatedly from home until we get it right. We may make things you do not like in the process. It comes with the territory.
- As a result of our own strife for perfection, we will always be telling you how you can improve your recipes. Grow a tough skin or just put us in our place. Or blog complaining about it like my wife did.
- If you think that your life will consist of restaurant food daily, think again. When we are at home, we want good home-cooked food.
- If we do the grocery shopping, expect the bill to be much higher than if you did it alone. Yes we must buy that expensive carton of French cream and no, we cannot substitute. That applies for every basic ingredient. Forget about home economics, we are expressing our love.
- You will eat some of your richest, most delicious meals at home when we actually do some grocery shopping and cook at home (not often) that will make you forget about the price of the cream.
- You are likely a great person and bring balance and stability to our lives. We have seen something in you worth keeping. If you have never worked in the food and beverage industry or hospitality, do some research and find out from other people what to expect. If you can handle it, we promise you the ride of your life! I really hope you still marry that man- he certainly needs a good woman!
Now that you’ve married him…
- the wife responds
- what happens if you become pregnant for the chef or as a chef?
- when the chef is busy on special occasions and over the holidays? See how you can dine with the chef
Marrying a chef? What you need to know before saying “I do”
You tell us your concerns and your experience. Do you want to marry a chef? Have you already married a chef? Are you thinking of marrying a chef? Or were you married to a chef and it didn’t quite work out? Have you found it blissful or hell on earth to be dating a chef? Does your chef mate drive you crazy? Does your child want to become a chef? Are you thinking of taking up this life? Wherever you fall in all this, share your story below. Countless people have been inspired by this one blog and MANY spin offs have been written originating from this one blog post which is the most commented and one of our most popular blog posts ever.
Brilliantly witty post, what a great read! My take on chefs was first informed by Anthony Bourdain’s writing, so was never deluded about the job to begin with. That said, I have renewed respect for Kari after reading this!
Very true chef wives are great. I know for sure mine is!
I’d say all chef spouses, not just wives. I’m a chef who also happens to be a female and all of the things on this list apply to me as well. Not married but if/when I do get married, my spouse will have to face all of these problems/challenges/triumphs, too.
Yea, I think it’s kind of lame to say ‘wives.’ I’m not a chef yet, but I’ve been in industry for 10 years, and I work the hours and the holidays and all of that bs. I had a long term boyfriend for a while and he had to put up with all of that, and it was great for him.
But yea, spouses. And I do want to talk about feelings when I get home at 2 AM, that’s just how I roll.
You forgot about lunch on item #12 Chef Lij ;p I so remember our Friday breakfast conversations! I’ve seen the real chef life through my sister chef (who now works in a hotel chain in Lahti, Finland). When she ate at home, she simply opens a can and eats from eat. LOL. Since she started the chef life, she only celebrated Christmas with the family ONCE. That was about it. Hehehe! Hats off to all hard working chefs like you Chef Lij!
Hats off to all chefs, and yes I remember the friday breakfast, and the conversations
I am truly proud of this blog Chef Lij, you have clearly tapped into every single point that I believe gives a direct access and glimpse in the life of a Chef………Then I ask myself, WHY AM I SINGLE? No need to wonder as it takes a courageous woman and a strong man to deal with this type of life style.
Chef Kenn!
Very true Chef Kenn courageous is right and to the point.
Loved this post! Very straight forward and to the point as you mentioned in #10 🙂 Chef Lij, you certainly married that good woman!
Yes i did for real
Nice to read your thoughts Lij, I could not agree more with you! I mean if pilots thought they had it hard, then they know nothing about the food they eat or what it takes to get it on a plate lol
I am so glad that you guys decided to bust some myths, as lately everyone seems to think that food is the fastest ticket to celebrity. Kari and I have always talked about how there is nothing glamorous about the job. I guess from a receiver’s end experiencing the glamour of velvety sauce on a large white plate with tiny pieces of delicate meats equals glam in the kitchen, but hey most don’t know what it takes to gut a fish!
You have got an amazing woman by your side, knowing what it takes to put up with the jacket, hats off to Kari who does it so gracefully. You guys are an inspiration 🙂
Thanks a lot Dima
always dreamt about being a chef, after reading Chef Lij”s thoughts, I know I was saved from disapointment because I would not last in that environment. Whew!! Wonderful blog! You have realy busted all the myths of the glamourous lives of chefs. You are blessed with a truly good wife….and from your blog you appreciate her.
Disappointment not at all for you are a great chef in your home in my eyes Claudia
How is it that I am just finding this blog. Just wonderful. I love the fact that you are working as a team. Cannot wait to see the next post.
Thanks Chef Connie. Good to see another chef here
This article shows why you make such a good team.
What a brilliant post! I was smiling and/or giggling throughout. You write really well, and bust all the myths about the glamour of being a chef, and keep it real.
Glad you found that good woman in your life 😀
Loved the post. I’m a sucker for bullet points anyway – some wonderful points in here too.
Lij, my son -I have always been proud of you, but I now have a heightened respect! Just make sure that you keep being honest. Kari, I loved you from Day 1. Now I realize that you are the one who will save Lij from himself and for the better days later – It will come! Hang in there! love you both
Lovely to you see you on line Chef Lij. Serious words worthy of contemplation, discussion and compromise. Blessings to you and Kari and Kari – Hang in there! 🙂
awww bless! what a sweet, funny and warm post 🙂
you guys make a lovely match.
Hands down agree about #14.
I’m not a chef, but i do give my all when I cook; I love cooking for friends and family, whether it be a 2 person crowd or a 10 person crowd. The tiredness is pleasure for me; food is my outlet for creativity.
Food is sure a great outlet can I tell you Drina. Good food, great Life. Chef Lij
ooops… i meant # 16
Hmm…sounds alot like my ‘what you need to know before saying ‘I do’ to a reporter list 🙂
BUZZED
What a great post and completely accurate. My brother is a chef and my sister-in-law is the salt of the earth. I, however, am less…um…salty? Knowing that I could never accept being alone on New Year’s Eve I chose a man in a business that closes for such holidays and that could be home where I want him. Happiness to both of you!
That sounds about right…My husband is not a chef, but I think if I had stayed in the restaurant business after we got married, that would be our life. I really loved this post! And congrats Sally on winning the giveaway!
That was a great post and I appreciate your honesty. Cooking shows could use your integrity.
I dated a chef for a bit once. He critiqued my garlic peeling method which totally made me cross…but he was right and to this day I use the whap a clove with the side of your knife technique that he taught me.
Great article! SO accurate! Sounds like you have a really good handle on how to maneuver this challenging relationship. There are a growing number of us communing.. please consider joining! I’d also love to have you guest post on the blog! http://marriedtoachef.com
I will have a look. Chef Lij
Such a tall order! I’ve been following you guys for a while now, and its so lovely to see you both as a TEAM. What’s funny is… after reading this post, I think there’s a chef living inside me just bursting to get out!!! lol! Chef Lij, thank you for this post! I enjoyed every last bit of your honesty 🙂
Thank you Lyn. I am glad you enjoyed it
You have absolutely nailed it. I love this post, it all rings so true. My fav though is number 6 – I have been sleep shouted at about a cheese board. Hilarious!!!
As the non-chef half of our duo I loved reading this! Great post!
I’m an ok chef, Chef, but my Mrs (24 yrs and counting) is a great steward…
Kept me out of jail all these years!
Priceless, imho.
Just wanted to remind you how awesome you guys are and that you truly deserve the nomination for storytelling. Both you have such lovely writing skills, so check these guys out http://foodstoriesblog.com/food-stories-award/
really loved your post. I can surely feel it in my heart .. coz i hav been a chef myself for the past 7 years and still hesitant to marry 🙂
Being a wife of a Chef, you hit everything head on. When people find out what my hubby does, their first reaction is, “oh you must eat so well!” LOL Sure I do, cause I cook!
Amazing list. And in a lot of points it is analogue to the “bartenders / bar managers” wife. Have to write it up as well… At least chefs are much less suspected to be unfaithfully [which is one big point from the bar-personality side].
I found this article plugged by Married to a Chef, and I can see why such a huge resource has this post listed as recommended reading! Very funny, honest, and concise – just how I like it. Thanks for the no-bones backstage pass to married chef life. My Chef and I are getting more serious each day, and it’s reminders like these that we both need!
I am in love with this article!!! My husband of 7 years is an executive chef of an awesome catering company and has worked for/opened many restaurants in Denver. Soon to owe his own restaurant. Not even in his 30s and he has been working non stop rarely with a day off and never a sick day for the last 10 years. We have 3 kids together and I am a stay at home mom that does childcare in our home. We have been through our ups and downs with all of the many truths that you mentioned. But I also love the passion my husband has for what he does and all the great people he works with. Luckily I was in the restaurant industry for years so I knew what I was getting into! Thanks again for this spot on article. It made me feel proud of my husband and I for sticking together through it all. Behind every great Chef is a great Chef wife!!!
Hi Michelle,
I can so relate to your situation. I am so proud of my chef husband for all his accomplishments all before age 30. We actually also just moved to Denver so he could take an exec chef job out here! he’s an extremely talented chef and his passion and drive continue to amaze me every day. but you’re right, he’s rarely had a day off since we got here! With 3 kids, what have you found helps you two communicate, and maintain balance in your relationship? I don’t know many other chef wives, so I would love to find someone out here I can connect with!
Thanks for posting:)
Its hard being a chef why anyone would want to do it is besides me. Its harder on the partner. Yeah we will call you during service coz you can multi task right and it probably is important we’re not idiots we know ur busy. Lets be realistic ur not operating its not like u cant leave to talk for 1 min. I find all chefs to be morons i mean did u ever try to look up fairwork and read your legal rights? Um no. U dont legally have to work over 38 hrs if full time. If u do like say the traditional 45 then ur supposed to get 25 percent over standard hourly wage. U get two 20min PAID breaks so when u take ur two hr break u only put down 1 hr 20min. U dont work 7 days straight and u get 5 count them 5 weeks hols not 4. Oh and the personal days are there for you to use. If u have kids ur passion love for food is transferred to them and ur career is now a job which u willget the highest paying most flexiable instead of best for career. Its not fair on partner seriously if ur a chef dont have a family full stop. Because why wouldjt u want to see ur kids that makes u an arse. Its also the reason why there arent many female chefs. Ive been with my guy for 10 years i knew what i was getting into but when we committed to each otheri said do what y want until we have kids then u need a normal job and he promised he would always put the kids first.we had our first and i let it go cz i could handle it but now the second has come along and first is at school we need dad to be home. Ur simply not a family when ur only home for two nights. So how about u chefs take some responsibilty stand up for yousrlves and change the industry standards or dont have a partner evet. Just screw each othet instead.
Spoken VERY well for someone who has the ENTIRE KEYBOARD to type with and is yet too lazy to spell. Hahaha!
ofcourse ull find the Chefs as u described…bt those are just cooks…cooking is their job…nt passion…
they are working because they are being paid…not because they love it…
they r ones mentioned who never get growth,,or never really develop as Chefs…they can just cook…finish on time & go home…
and keep doing the same for rest of their lives…
Partners have it harder especially when kids are involved.
It’s the hardest underpaid, unappreciated job. You’ve made some valid points. I’ve juggled it all on my own without grandparents. Sometimes I look back and ask myself how I did it. Getting to a crossroad in my life and still holding on because of my elementary age children who rather see him on some days then not at all.
It’s a real struggle.
I pray things work out for you. I’m now long divorced. Divorce is not easier. I hope you can build your own support system. Maybe a work from home/passive additional source of income?
Above comment is meant for assies.
No, the above comment is a reminder for students at every level to study hard and have standards. If you fail at those major qualities you will end up posting absurd and illiterate messages to online message boards like Cynthia did.
Bloody Well said!! She definitely had a bad experience with a Chef…as we keep on screwing every other person we meet…she is one of them..
I too am married to a chef… a pretty damn good one I might add, but it has been very hard to say the least. I remember when he was in culinary school, I had another chef ask me if I was ready for it. I smiled and said “of course” not knowing what he really meant. Boy has it been something else. Don’t get me wrong, I love his passion and he is extremely talented, but at times you feel very alone. It becomes a “treat” to have him at a party or dinner with friends and family. Several times I’ve woken up to find him in the kitchen writing a recipe or reading a book. His passion for his career is what I love and “hate” the most. I love my husband and wouldn’t change anything about our lives together. I now ask other women “are your ready to marry a chef” when I can. It’s tough, but very rewarding as well. I am my husbands biggest fan and will support anything he does, but you really do have to have your “own” life. Reading this brought tears to my eyes…
This also brought tears to my eyes! There is something about reading the truth about your life that makes it seem more real. I am also married to a Chef and it can be trying at times on both us as individuals but equally on our relationship. At the same time I couldn’t imagine not being with a man with so much drive and passion for doing what he does. It is certainly an adventure, I’ll put it that way!
Wow! Absolutely spot on! I married a Chef and we talked about the hours and expectations before we got married but reading this had me in stitches..it’s definitely my life but I wouldn’t change it for anything! I’ve learnt so much through his passion for good food and produce! Listening to him talk about it makes me wish I had that much passion for my career! More appreciation should be shown to Chefs especially when they sacrifice so much time so that others can enjoy their creations!
Great post. Should lend perspective to those not in the business. I think your topic could almost apply to anybody in the restaurant business. I am married to a GM and 95% of your points apply to her.
Being a chef isn’t glam at all. I was tired and grumpy all the time and couldn’t move on my first day off. My boyfriend realized he needed to give me at least 30 minutes when I walked in the door to decompress…just not talk…sit down in silence. Then after that, he would approach me about my day…I was always grouchy. Needless to say….we never married. I am a private chef now…so those days are few and far between but I miss the chaos of the kitchen and all of co-workers. My kitchen was female dominated and we kicked ass. They still do! The best crew ever! They were and still are my best friends. My career won’t stop here…I am still looking to do other things!!! I wish I could find that husband who could understand…maybe a fireman or someone who has similar crazy days and hours…thanks for the blog. I really enjoyed it and best of luck…you two are truly blessed. Chef Gia
you peg it . . . but when you get old like me and feet fail you, life does get better.
an old chef’s life is great. i love my wife, love my life and my feet hurt.
I have been married to a chef for the past 15 years and you hit every nail on the head….you also could have added you will mostly be raising kids over the phone and rarely are you with them together…and family vacation never are no more then 4 days long
Correct! Everything is correct. Thank you for the literal clarification. Duly noted Chef.
Hi there. I’m married to a Chef too. Easy is the last thing to describe it coz its really like what is written there. Nothing short of sheer determination and hard work to ensure this marriage would work out. But I thank God for giving me a good husband. Though he’s tired from work, he would still cook for me,clean the house,send me to and fro University on days I had lessons on. Though we had our share of tough times and quarrelled in the early years of our marriage but now we’re good and I’m glad to have married him. Though he only managed to go for Competition once,he made it a point to win a Gold medal home. I am so proud to have a husband like him.
Very nicely written Chef. Although currently I’m just a Commis Cook and single, but after reading this blog made me cry, smile and laugh realizing the hardship and wonders of our passion in the kitchen. Thank you Chef for such a great read.
sound unwise to marry chef.Especially list 5
This is my first time seeing your blog and this post hits home!
My husband and I met at culinary school. One of my favorite chef instructors officiated our nuptials. And we are still working hard to keep it running after ten years together. It’s tough with one chef in a household; much harder with two. We are lucky to have an elderly roommate that each of us teaches in our own style – this cuts down on criticizing each other – and who reminds us to be nice when we argue. LOL
I’m glad to have stumbled across this and will try to find the time to go back to earlier posts to catch up. Thanks for this.
Ok. Settled…..I need to look for a Chef husband/partner in my life. I love to cook………(done the restaurant kitchen thing….as a cook….so I know what chefs go through and can understand the hours). I don’t mind being alone and will not gripe over ‘high quality’ ingredients on the shopping list. I am used to handling housekeeping matters and like romantic but not clingy partners….so I have my own life and its passions. A few questions:
1) When do Chefs find time to date??
2)What is the best way to go about meeting one, as I cannot access the restaurant kitchen and hanging about one till ‘after hours’ is just creepy??
Let us not forget the difference between chef and cook! Sick of hearing apprentice cooks telling their friends they are chefs, same thing if one of the trainees takes over the breakfast omelette station for 10 minutes while the commis has a dump…you are not a chef! For a first year apprentice (or any year COOK for that matter) to call himself a chef is like a rookie soldier telling people he is the Regimental Sergeant Major…delusions of grandeur. A cook is barely one step above garçon de cuisine and far from chef in a kitchen hierarchy, something they could do well to remember.
Love this post. I never got into this industry to get rich or famous. I always cringe when I see kids come out of culinary school and expect to instantly have a chef job and can’t grasp the concept of working your way up. It’s hot, it’s dirty, long hours, constant changing of your schedule, and never being able to plan anything. But I love it, I wouldn’t change anything about it, and will be doing it for the rest of my life. I may not always have a smile on my face, but there’s no other career I would rather have.
As a Chef and owner of a bakery I have no time for dating. And as far as marriage is concerned, I am helping preventing the main reason for divorce – MARRIAGE!
On the flip side when you work with your Chef and can draw that professional/personal line, it is much more amazing!! It’s not often couples can work together but when it does it brings a different balance in the kitchen. My Chef/hubby is incredible and I balance him out by taking care of the inner workings..watching food movement/production, the sneaky labor suckers, laziness, etc..that he is too busy to see while he’s working on new menus, new products, numbers (one of the more important things..lol). So in this case it works out. Do we pissy with each other….absolutely, but not often and it’s left outside, not brought home. Advice for those couples who are Chefs…remember why you feel in love with them and see it everyday in them.
Haha its a good thing my girl friend hasn’t read this lol! great post!
also worth noting is this post
“50 things they never told you about being a chef
When people are thinking of taking their first steps into kitchens, many around them are quick to give advice. They will warn of the toil involved, the strength of character and the stamina that are needed, the long hours… But however much warning is given, one is always quick to disregard it and shrug one’s shoulders because really, how hard can it be?
In my years working in kitchens I have seen hundreds come and go; eager at the start but quickly disenchanted and just as eager to get out. Only a small percentage of people who walk into the world of gastronomy stay there once faced with this harsh environment.
Below is a list that I compiled of all the realities of day to day life as a chef, based on my own experience as well as on my observations.
What you can expect from making a living in a professional kitchen:
1. You’ll almost always have open wounds on your hands and arms.
2. You’ll never meet new people because your social life deteriorates into non-existence.
3. You’ll find it hard to start relationships because alone time will become a precious thing.
4. You’ll lose your social skills.
5. Your sense of humour will degrade into the politically incorrect and socially unacceptable.
6. You’ll eventually start swearing like a sailor and you won’t even notice yourself doing it.
7. You’ll turn into an anorak/monomaniac and always turn all conversations back to food.
8. You’ll earn a pittance for years/decades.
9. You’ll either lose a vast amount of weight or gain a vast amount of weight.
10. You’ll never ever have a tan ever again.
11. You won’t become famous.
12. You’ll develop a habit, whether it be coffee, cigarettes, alcohol, gambling, cannabis, cocaine, or even red bull.
13. Your feet will get destroyed.
14. Your back will get destroyed.
15. Your hands will get destroyed.
16. You’ll live in a constant state of sleep deprivation, indefinitely.
17. You’ll have to ask your friends to plan everything around your schedule, which is in complete opposition with their availability, because you never know your days off in advance and you probably won’t be able to change it.
18. You’ll become of a very highly strung nature
19. You’ll become more prone to temper flare ups
20. Your awareness of other people’s lack of efficiency and common sense will increase and your tolerance of it will decrease.
21. You’ll spend the largest part of your life cooped up in a small, undecorated room with poor ventilation, high temperatures, a lot of noise, humidity, no natural light and no windows, with a small group of people who will become your only social interactions.
22. You will work longer hours than you ever imagined possible or thought legal.
23. You will spend all your waking hours on your feet, never getting a chance to sit down even for 5 minutes.
24. Your shortest work days will be longer than most people’s longest, and your longer work days, which make up about half of your working week, will be longer than the average person is awake in a day.
25. You will not cook gourmet dinners at home. You’ll be too tired, and too fed up of cooking.
26. You will probably start eating mostly fast food and cheap instant noodles.
27. You will be the subject of abuse, whether physical or emotional. Officially, it will be as a test of character. In reality, it will be as a form of entertainment.
28. You will end up spending so much time at work that your colleagues will know you better than your partner/family/friends do.
29. You will meet and form strong bonds with types of people whom you’d previously never even have imagined sharing conversations with.
30. You will be in a constant state of stress.
31. You will never be irreplaceable and will be expected to constantly give 110%.
32. You will always be exhausted.
33. You will not be allowed to call in sick for a hangover.
34. You will be expected to place your work before any other part of your life in your list of priorities.
35. You will never be congratulated on your work.
36. You will be expected to treat your superiors as absolute masters and never answer back, try to explain yourself, start a conversation, or show any other type of insubordination, even if you know that they are in the wrong or feel as if their behaviour towards you is unacceptable.
37. It will become very difficult to watch friends cook.
38. Your mum will stop cooking for you because she feels embarrassed.
39. You will be expected to cook for family gatherings such as Christmas EVERY SINGLE YEAR. Luckily, at least one year out of two, you will be working on Christmas.
40. At least one year out of two, and maybe every year, you will work Christmas, New Year’s Eve, Easter, Valentine’s day, Mother’s day, Father’s day, bank holidays, Halloween, your birthday, and pretty much every other day of celebration on the calendar.
41. You will have to work many years in menial positions before attaining any level of authority in the workplace.
42. The better the restaurant is, the longer the work hours become, the more pressure you end up under, the more unhealthy your lifestyle will become, the more likely you will be to develop a habit, the more competitive the people around you will become, the less sleep you’ll get, the less you’ll eat etc.
43. You will constantly make mistakes, and every time you do make a mistake, someone will notice it and make you understand that you are clearly a subhuman because only a subhuman could make such a mistake.
44. If you are a woman, you will constantly be the subject of misogynist remarks and jokes, sexual harassment, belittlement and remarks about your menstrual cycle.
45. None of your friends or family will understand what is involved in your work and you will never be able to make them understand.
46. You will spend vast amounts of money on equipment, books, eating in good restaurants etc, which will leave you with not much money for other things.
47. You will develop a creepy obsession with knives.
48. If you are a pastry chef, you will develop a creepy obsession with spoons.
49. You will get a rash in your arse crack from the mixture of heat, sweat and friction that will not heal well, sometimes get infected, will mostly always be slimy and itchy and will be there most of the time.
50. If you are the right type of person, you will thank your lucky star every single day for the rest of your life for making you take the best decision you ever did and become a chef. And you will fall in love with your job and never look back”
That is spot on! Just curious do you wake your poor wife up several times a night while dreaming of food, testing her to see if she is “done”?? I am awoken to being “tested” which amounts to being poked in the face because he is dreaming he is cooking a prime rib (that was last night) and was checking if it was cooked correctly lol!
Hi Linda, Yes I do wake her up talking about food or “calling out orders” “Telling waiters to pick up the food”
In case it wasn’t clear, I was the prime rib 😀
Bloody hell. Think much of yourself, mate? Most of this is right but a little modesty goes along way, Chef. Having worked in the food industry for a long time and having been around famous chefs and personalities you forgot to list – hard drinking, hard drugging and most likely lecherous. Ladies, heed what the Chef is telling you. Knowing chefs as I do, you will be #2 in the relationship.
The life of a chef is not to be messed around with. It’s hard and punishing most of the time. A good partner who understands that is nothing but a gift. As chefs we always want to be better than we are. We want to be challenged further, learn new techniques, learn about now food items. It becomes our life and anybody who joins us on that journey needs to understand that.
At times we will leave the hustle and bustle of the main stream restaurants and move to country clubs and so forth, but that does fuel any chef with ambitions, that is just so that we can have a little more time for the family. I weighs down on our progress and creativity.
This is a lonely and punishing road that we have taken. Some break, some leave, some get a co-operate catering gig and some stick with it. Of those that do, many end up alone. For those of us who aren’t alone, we thank our partners everyday for sticking with us(we might not say it out loud, but we do)
Oh I did laugh at all the bullet points. Very true. Having worked with Chefs for many years I told myself I would never marry one, then long and behold, I end up marrying one! That said, working in the hospitality industry myself, Marketing and PR, he found it extremely difficult being the partner of someone in the forefront of the Media Industry. He met his match! Haha.
I received this via text message to my cell phone: 310 210-1950. Please remove me from your list and do not send me any further text messages. Thank you
OMG, I love this post thank you very much. I have to tell you nailed to the wall man. As a femal chef who married a chef. You have seemed to peak into our life and wrote it down. I love this can’t get over it. with every one of these points I found myself going yup yup, oh ya and hands down by far my favorite one is number 30. The hit to wallet is a little much some times. The sad part is that I rather go with our two kids then him. They don’t drive up the food cost as much as he does.
My husband when he wants to cook at home (more so when he can use the grill) I love it but the mess is crazy. So to you my fellow chef raising a glass to your wife and all those who keep us strong at home so we can fight every day at work. Knife tips up.
This is a fantastic article. I loved the candid flair of writing which makes the writer lovable. Your writing also shows a lot of self-awareness, a perk that is on its own worthwhile. Enjoyed it so much. Thanks for writing!
As a recruiter of chefs for 28 years, I welcome this. I will probably link it to a blog. From my vast vicarious experience, this is on the money.
Chef Lij, You hit the nail on the head… Bang on…. I’ve been a Chef for 30 years & had written a similar article many years back…
Thanks Abbas
“We tend to be a little cocky. It comes with the territory. Even females chefs. Female chefs kick ass!”
I am a female chef, I am a single 53 year old, who has dated a handful of times, when a man says to me, I would like to spend more time with you, can you work your days off for the weekends? My reply is simple, I run a restaurant I work every weekend, so people like you can go on dates. I never hear from him again. So I don’t date, I don’t think there are many men willing to be married to a woman chef. (see # 5, 7, 19 and 21) lol Thank you for the laugh, it is now time for me to get ready for work… Today will be my short day 11 to 12 hours… it will be filled with ordering, invoicing, training the staff on the new menu, preparing the schedule for the kitchen staff, oh and because it is Saturday, I also manage the full restaurant, including closing….. So the GM can have his weekends off….. And why do I do this??? I am passionate about what I do… It is my life… I love it so much I went back to college at 50 to get my bachelors degree in culinary management so when I get tired of all the crap, I can retire and become a professional culinary instructor in the college level…… Wahoooo!!!!! (yes, I am just a little crazy)
Spot on, with the exception of the last line. As a female Chef, this all still applies to my lonely house-husband.
Hi Lij and Kari, great post! And also very true every point. So, I would like to now if you allow me translate the list for my native language (Portuguese! Say hi to Brazil :), I run a site too. Of course, with all the credits as usual. Thanks 😀
Thanks Vitor. We are sorry but we kindly request that our content stays only on our website. You may always add a link to ours. Best wishes!
Oh, that’s sad news. Unfortunately, not everyone speak/read English to understand the list. But thanks for you reply, I will respect your wish.
Vitor, maybe we can come to a compromise. If you translated it, we could post it on our blog and give a link to your site as the translator and a byline for you. That way you would get credit for the translation and we would maintain ownership of our content.
Oh my goodness, this is all so true! I love my husband so much – to the point where my sister-in-law has told me I should stop telling him that, and make him work a little harder for my affection lol, but it can be frustrating, infuriating, upsetting, disappointing and lonely being a Chef’s wife. I am always explaining at family gatherings (his – my family lives interstate) that he had to work. I attend so many family events with his brother and cousin that when they were small our niece and nephew thought I was his brother’s wife. I work in a office so I am up before him, home before him, and in bed asleep by the time he comes home. I do worry about his (lack of) work/life balance for when we have kids, but I remember that I married him because he is my best friend and favourite person, he will be a great dad & I know the time he will spend with our kids will count, and his work ethic is will be a good example. Chefs are a unique breed of people; and I am proud to be married to one that is as dedicated, passionate and quite frankly sexy as hell (he wears the white & black with aplomb) as he is. Even if he does wake me in the middle of the night yelling in his sleep about prep, and tells me that my mash is not smooth & I should do a “stock-take” of our fridge.
I smiled when I read Fzare’s comment. This is Love and a wife to live for!
Bunnyasher
LOVE IT! I married one and it’s been a hell of a ride! We convinced the kids that Santa came to our house last so Christmas could be late. Since it was his last stop we would leave a beer and ham sandwich (the deer were driving). We would get a room at what ever resort he was working. The kids and I would play for the day and Santa would leave one gift in the room to say, “thanks for waiting”. Then after a day of work my husband would rush home and put everything out. We would arrive home and “Dad” would be in the driveway to great the kids and tell them Santa loved the ham sandwich and beer they left. Kids enter house….SUCCESS!
My husband also talks about food and work in his sleep! One night (before kids) he yelled out, “where the HELL are the chunky vegetables for the chicken pot pie!!!!!!!” Scared the living crap outta me!
We have now been married 26 years (almost all of our other friends didn’t make it) and I wouldn’t trade a day (?)!!!
Now this is such an inspiring story and as we are just about to start our family, a very timely way of looking at holidays when chefs are too busy to be home! COngrats on such a long successful marriage. You two sound like you have the right attitude to survive the struggles of a chef marriage!
I am a female executive chef 3 weeks away from having my first child. This article is so unbelievably true and I cant wait to show my husband and give him a big hug for putting up with me an my career choice. He has been so supportive and so neglected but he is very independent and understanding. Thanks for taking the time to write this.
As a chef wife, every single point is dead on. I often ask myself “why did you have to fall madly in love with a chef and make babies with him?” but I did and I do. Chef’s lives are way more complicated and difficult than nearly any other job and the same is true for the wives, especially when children are involved. With all that said I am so proud of my husband. I save all his review and articles and brag when he is in the paper. Despite the difficulty, love conquers all!
Well said chef. The jacket can get heavy for us some times but it is easy to forget about our fantastic partners who put up with the weight of the job as well
well said i couldn’t help myself to laugh at number 5 brilliant blog loved it!!!!must share with fellow chefs im sure even we are busy we always find time to read something like this.
well said! maybe that’s why neither of my 2 marriages worked out !
A more interesting life, is when a chef, marries a chef
Love the post. And thanks for the props…girl chefs do kickass. But so do their husbands. Thanks to the guys out there, especially mine, that put up with a wife that spends her days surrounded by the opposite sex in addition to everything you said. We can’t help that the saute cook is always staring at our ass, but we apprieciate a man who can look past it and not get jealous.
I really wish This article wasaround 10 years ago. It is all true. I am married to a film maker now and our hours match so its not a big struggle to spend time together
He is super supportive in everything i do.
I read him this article and he chuckled and said it is all true.
thank you for opening my eyes, hahaha! I was always fascinated by the idea of marrying a chef..perhaps deluded that he will cook for me and treat me like a queen everyday. Well it seems reality is very very far from what I’ve expected. Needless to say at this point, I’m committed to a businessman who is very passionate in his craft..and checked all the stated above in our relationship..i therefore conclude that hardworkers have this same same same pattern in their relationships. And that women should evaluate not only a chef but all hardworking men passionate about their craft. It is indeed very hard to keep up and challenging at times, but it also brings the best in us women who chose these men as our lover. It makes us more patient and understanding, and more flexible all of the time, it deviates us towards the IDEAL relationship, but in the process is indeed very rewarding. Kaya mga chef and other hardworking men jan, cherish your lovers/wives..because they are the best!!!!!! ^_^
I hope you can write another article (or perhaps you have already?) on how you managed your marriage despite these challenges. Perhaps you could title it “Before asking someone to marry you, these are the things you must be willing to do.” Please don’t take offense to this, and I’m sure you didn’t mean it this way, but as a non-chef I get a sense that “This is the life of a chef, so deal with it.” I think the main problem won’t be dealing with things you mentioned here – as you put it, we have to live the life to understand anyways, and most people will adapt to the challenges placed on them. But it’s the egocentric attitude that ruins marriages, whether the profession is a chef, a pro athlete, a businessman, a teacher…etc. Just put it into a different perspective. “I’m a business consultant, I travel 90% of the time, I often have to work in the evenings whether home or work, I can’t do any of the house chore, I deal with asshole customers so I can’t be in good mood, etc. etc…so are you still willing to marry me?” Nobody would ask this to his or her significant another. Maybe I’m too serious about this article, but I think a better story is told if you can say “here are all the things my profession requires…so what are the things we can do together to make the marriage work?” instead of “here are all the things my profession requires…so I better find someone who understands all of them.”
H, yes, you are taking it a bit too seriously. It was a humourous post. I guess you missed that. Of course our relationships are hard and you have to live the life to understand just how. Sometimes you have to laugh or else you might just cry.
Thank you, Chef and Steward for the article, and H for pointing out exactly how I feel. A year-and-a-half into a relationship with a cook, and I am depressed, cranky, and winy because I finally found my best friend…but I see him maybe 3 times a month in 2 hour increments. How can I tell him that I can’t miss him like he misses me, because I’m starting to feel like I can’t miss something I never have?
I agree with H – your article simply validated my worst fears. That life is never going to get any better than this, and my cook will never put me ahead of that damn restaurant. PLEASE, Chef and Steward, provide us with advise on how you actually survived and made your relationship successful and happy instead of sad and lonely.
Ok we will look into updating the post.
that is so true and i take my hat of to my wife of ten years !!!! still love you loads and you must be mad to put up with it but thank you for doing it !!!!! love you jen xxxxx
I was married for 10 years to a chef, and what you said is brutally true. Chefs and cooks are never there, they are always grumpy, tired, sleepy or otherwise occupied; and when they finally arrive home they just want to be waited on, watch some tv and sleep. That’s it, no conversation, romance, or anything else.
Sadly, what people doesn’t see or want to know, is that all those long hours and continuous absence drives a wedge in the couple, and while the one at home is pinning for the one working, the one behind the stove is literally holding a knife and flirting away during the only hours he is really awake and alert… Until your chef divorces you for an affair with a fellow cook o a new waitress. Sad but true.
So, before marring a working at a restaurant/hotel chef think hard and do it twice… It doesn’t matter if you have been beat friends first; if you are his only sweetheart, if he comes from a good Christian family, if there isn’t a divorce in his family or friends, or if he is the nicest, honest men in the world. Being married is hard enough with a 9 to 5 work, multiply it by two and a six day, all nights working week, and you get a chef/cook hours, are you and him really ready to work for it? Think it twice before you end up alone while married, or even worst, divorce and alone with a toddler.
True for a young man wanting to be a grounded man. Night restaurant chefs are the beginning. Travel, experience, grow ! This blog is from a pussy who couldn’t hack it. Change it up if before you sell out your job! Being a chef also means managing your home life. Sorry your life sucks so bad you had to write this. You most likely are a shitty manager of people too. Hope you get a better job looser!
Humour- Dude how did you become a chef without a sense of humour? Lighten up!
Sarcasm- Your communication skills are spectacular.
Irony- After leaving a comment like this, YOU question my happiness and people management skills?
What a wonderful post. My son is a chef. He loves it when I cook home cooked meals. Always asks me things about it. Every single thing you said applies to my son. It really truly is hard work. I just don’t know how he does it. God bless chefs everywhere in the world.
Thank you so much for this post. This is absolutely wonderful. Living with, dating, and starting a life with a chef is an incredible journey. I’m so blessed to have this incredibly talented man in my life that is so filled with love and generosity. Chefs are truly passionate loving and romantic people. We have learned to enjoy the time we have together and to make birthdays, holidays, and the like work which can sometimes mean birthday cake at 2am when he finally gets home from work. I wouldn’t have it any other way. 🙂 thank you so much for this post. 🙂
Sorry, but this reads as one of the most chauvinist and one-sided approaches to a relationship. You’re basically just giving yourself a free pass to being an asshole.
so this is 100% true. But coming from a fellow chef – you would think that understanding would come easy. Holidays alone. Fine. Late nights. Fine. Grumpy overly-food passionate man. Fine. Now throw kids in the mix. And then constantly taking on the kids at every family gathering sole strts to hit home. And raising the kids ‘independently” but solo really freakin sucks. and sometimes your life and your career is important too
I’m married to a chef and with Christmas/ New year underway never a more true word was spoken…It is a tough life and you will feel your spinning 23,000 plates to keep your household ticking over until he has time off…you will get the pitty comments of friends and family asking if you are ‘alone again’ or you will third wheel a lot of the time, yet for me its perfect. I have time to myself to get my things done, I don’t have anyone under my feet, I can choose what I want to eat when I get home from work, go to bed when I feel tired…As a chef wife my husband is passionate about everything in life so when he has had that sleep and rest on his day off he always makes it up, if he has been grumpy or snappy after service he knows how to romance and his creativity gets him thinking outside the box…Our first Christmas together had him torn with work being so busy so one day 3 months after I got a txt at work saying ‘how would you like Christmas in March?’ When I got home I had a pile of presents, Christmas songs, mulled wine and a turkey dinner….Its little things like that that make it worthwhile…My key tip, even if I am asleep he will tuck me in to bed every night,,,yes he might stink of the seabass he has been filleting all day but its our guaranteed 10 minutes where we can spend together whilst he puts his tea on and runs a bath…xxx
Thank you so much for the post. I dont know how to react I know it will be difficult but i guess we both will manage. *fingers crossed*
I met my husband when he was a cook, 12 years ago. Now he is a chef. We have a 6 year old daughter. Everything you said is true (although he does love cooking his day(s) off. I love/hate when people say “oh, you are so lucky being married to a chef”, and I think, “uhmmm, not so much!” I have told all my friends never to date a cook! It is so hard, but after 12 years, I am used to it. To be honest, if he were a 9-5’er, I’m not so sure we would make it! I love my independence, or have grown to love it. I know I can take care of myself and my daughter just fine. But it is nice to have my husband home once in a while, there are some things that I need him for! And no, my daughter is not allowed to become a cook when she grows up. I wouldn’t wish that life on anyone. Of course, it is ultimately her decision, but I would rather she just have a love for cooking. It’s a really hard life – for all involved. I’m just hoping he has christmas day off, or at least a few hours on christmas day.
My guy text me this article and thought I should read it and I’m glad he did. After only 6 months of dating I was beginning to wonder was it worth it because of all the alone time. This article now gives me a new prospective on how hard he works and because I care about him so much I am willing to be patient and support him in all his endeavors thanks again to my darling and the editors.
I’m about to be married to one and am clear about what I’ve signed up for. I love all that plenty of alone time, it gives me so much space to do my own stuff! But when it gets home ahead of time he gets in my hair! Still dealing with the food critic with my cooking, but I’m sure I’ve improved my cooking skills! I wish I got more surprises – there never seems to be any energy left for that thoughtfulness.
i am married to one for 2 yrs and dating 4 but knowing eachother for 14 yrs total and flirting the whole time. life has muchily changed i never hear from him he says stay out of my work life and if he doesnt call me day goes faster. okay i can understand one more person in ur shit or having to wait for 10 extra minutes b4 u drive home to us i know i know but you cant just shut your wife out and on “days OFF” (hahaha) the one your married is you. i am not his emotional dumpster for shit. i have a life as a sahm. that he needs to realize we care we want him to succeedeee to the top. go far. but if you push me out of your way(a phone call consists of 25 seconds tops a dy between two calls. you do math(i understand both ways tho) but if you dont communicate with your family(wife) she isnt gonna communicate with you. who wants to hear the washer doesnt wash on medium load it wont spin it out unless in cold. dryer cant dry a full load of wash. who the hell wants to hear that. who wants to hear the waitress are so f*c*i*G stupid again. i know. they are. you dont know about the wash/dry and its been 2 yrs. you dont ask me. he will bend over backwards for stuff opp what he went to college for i helped him get thru!!!! 5 states away!!!!! i want you to go far but i cant if you wont let me help you ! bottom line. he said to me (i hate holidays personally. i like not partici[ating with a stupid croud> im smart. i know his shit and it was free for me. i went to coolege as guest i helped him so much) but he told me chefs have a really high rate of divorce. i laughed and told him more than likely. when i say that to you dont you think i understand what im about to go thru. for the rest of my life. i grew up fatherless. please dont let our daughter. but im here to help you forfill our dreams. we have a beautiful daughter. but when im told shit over n over i can only take so much before i reach a breaking point. especially when i DO EVERYTHING but pay bills around here. i have a summer job. cash. i do. buy stuff we need. i dont save it and what not i dont run off and go awaay for days or ask really ANYTHING other than a husband and father. so please if any chefs have this prob. please SOLUTION::::::: allow your partner to HELP You. she can take you there. you just have to let her and not destroy her inside. she will help you. i nmake menus all damm day i feel. no they dont get used..either do his sumtimes. but i make them i love them!!! i make time for you. he doesnt have to do anything but sit down and play with his girls when he gets home. Your off work be a father. dont ignore me or your make me disappear. which will come mentally first. then thats the part wheer you will be signing stuff.
I live in Delaware New Castle and cooking is my passion,so I think I can marry a chef.We can work together at the same restaurant or vise versa. I am 58 yrs old.
Well hats off to you Stella!
I am a chef wife, I don’t cook for shit, but we are lucky in that our life works. We are both night people, I work as a massage therapist so we have our nights together and its lovely. I do worry about kids when the time comes but we will get to it, when we get to it. I love your article so much, it is so spot on. I love your wife’s response too! It takes a certain kind, but when it works, it is amazing and beautiful. 🙂
Well I am a female cook and I have a long-term relationship,we are together since I’ve joined culinary school. I don’t think,that this is different from any other hard job.
Yes,I work long hours,but when we have some time together,it’s really special. I don’t wanna sleep or watch TV,I wanna be with him and make room/time for romance,passion and talk about everything.
And he finds it sexy,if I smell like grilled steak,so that’s it: you have to marry someone,who truly loves you and who gets it,what it takes to be a great chef.
I am the wife of a chef. Friends of mine whose husbands are also in the industry (either as owners, chefs, GMs etc) have formed the Restaurant Widows Group. We all *get* each other and are there to support each other. My husband knows damn well if I am calling during service, it is an emergency and he has better get to the phone ASAP.
Yes there are sacrifices, and yes it gets tiring to explain to people that he doesn’t cook 7 nights a week at home but I wouldn’t trade him or his career.
My boyfriend has been an executive chef since the day I met him and most of these negative ones (i.e., talking about feelings, not wanting to cook after work) do not apply. He has never criticized me when we’re in the kitchen together, told me my food wasn’t good enough, or yelled at me like I work on his line. Maybe I just got one of the good ones.
Chef married to Chef!! That is how it works…happy!
i love reading blogs like this cos it help me proove a point. ive been a chef for 14 yrs, for the last 10 yrs i been struggling with a drug adiction(heroine and at times it was crack also) that keeps beating me, ive been to 2 rehabs, moved abroad, tried nearly everything but it seems to keep coming back.
finally i met a girl, im in a steady relationship and like you mentioned in one of your points she had the money and we opened our own place.
it seems like everything is going well now cos we always together, we enjoy each others company and even if its hard not to fight all the time, we try to understand each other as much as possible.
in all the time i been in rehabs, and all the councilling sessions i been to, they keep going back to try to find the root of my problem to see why i started to take drugs and why i got hooked, which is the way it usually works. truth is it combined very well to my job, besides i can easily work 14hours straight on it(even if i will be brain dead, but i can do this job in my sleep now), it takes away pressure, anxiety and calms me down, slightly cos i still loose the plot during service, on it or not. i would hate for anyone to do my mistake and if you already are, get help straight away, its only good for the first year, after that its all down hill, you are always broke, craving, physically sick and looking forward to nothing but your next hit.
Yep…and yep! I worked in as a chef in the industry, then taught budding chefs this industry for a number of years… HAD to leave it all last Sept. Once it’s in your ‘blood’, hard to leave it behind!! Love this blog!! So glad I found you! Preach on broda!
This made my night… As I sit at home waiting… You know that waiting when they say “Honey, I’ll be home at 8 or 9 tonight!” and of course he isn’t lol. I worked in the restaurant industry most of my life but even that never prepares you for when you marry a man who lives in the kitchen… That’s right, he doesn’t work in a kitchen he lives there… He doesn’t live at home either, he merely visits home lol. I won’t lie I sometimes resent the hand that feeds us… I really do… He works at the busiest restaurant in our area and it is the start of high tourist season… Joy summer… You forgot to mention also try not to be jealous of the flirty, overly pretty waitresses… That part is hard too especially when a housewife at home with little kids all day and your pretty sexy days are pretty well over.
Thanks again for the post!! Heed warning ladies and gents! It’s a rough road ahead!
Oh.my.gosh. I feel like my husband could have written this! I have been happily married to my chef for 10 years, but there are times when it is HARD. This was exactly what I needed to read after a heated debate last night over dinner, housework responsibilities, etc. 🙂 Glad to see that I am not alone in this world. I love my chef more than anything and I know he loves this independent, always supportive and adventurous wife of his. Even if we need to remind ourselves of that every now and then!!
Bit of a stereotype this post , We’ll I work as a chef from 7.30am to 3pm, Monday to Friday only (37 hour week) I cycle to work keep fit and enjoy my job and put in 100% but once I leave the building my job don’t enter my mind , I been a chef for 28 years and know a lots of chefs over that time and most are not like this post. But it’s ture a lot of chefs hate cooking at home and that part I can agree with.
Love this post lol it is very true I have been with my chef 2 years & I read this post about 5 months ago, & I agree with every point made (also read your wife’s blog and agree even more with her!) lol
Life with a chef is like a roller coaster, & you have to be 100% in love to survive this (both parts!) this is not a relationship you just “go along with & see what happens!” I have ups & downs all the time. I have a toddler (age3) from a previous relationship & throw him into the mix aswell and life gets even tougher! Plus I work 3 days a week to top up our income.
But however hard it is for me, I think about what my chef does everyday to provide for us a lovely home & food on the table. This is a man who works 12 hours a day riding a bike 45 mins each way, yes he’s made mistakes & no at the time I was really not impressed, but I do love him 100% how do I know for sure?
Because even knowing all this to be true, & reading this post I did still
marry him – 3 weeks ago (& no we didn’t get to go on a honey moon – yet! 😉 )
Hi… I liked this article laughed at the last one wen u said marry the guy still… I’m might right a blog one day about what it means to be a chef married to a chef…. Oh boy won’t tht bs a hoot… Lol but thnks for the info this was a good read… Kudos as well you make it seem a bit easier with the info… And as a pwerson with first hand knowledge it is tough. Your days and hours don’t link up but wen we do spend time together oh it’s more than worth it….
yeah..thats why im so blessed to have a supportive wife that understands my job…especially im working at sea…good read chef!
Haha! I think #30 is my favorite. We always spend so much more when my chef/husband is with me at the store or if he just goes himself. He knows the cost of hundreds of items in the restaurant, but not the cost of the box of cereal he just bought at the grocery store. I love it! 🙂
Thank you chef, Something I had in mind for years and didn’t know how to express. You did it which lot of us (chefs) all over the world have in mind. Thank you.
just come across this block and OMG how true to life it is i am married to a chef now coming up 32 years. he has done all areas of the kitchen including baking so early mornings with afternoon sleeps hard to work round when our daughter was a baby in arms many afternoons spent walking in the park while he slept. He did take a a couple of years old to do a normal 9-5 job but you could see he was not happy he thrives on the pressure and passion of his job working food.
i most say i find it harder now our daughter has left home and i am now home alone when he works we try to have at least one day off a week together to at least sort out house problems or banking type things. most times he says he is day off then day before it all changes like today but he is now the head chef and goes in at the drop of a hat.
Thanks Chef…. Oh yes, chefs are spontaneous and romantic guys…. 11 years later and 4 kids down the line. 😉
The YOLO slogan is common with chefs-You Only Live Once, they say.
After the first year of our marriage, my husband gave me 3 house rules:
1.Avoid talking to me within the first 30 minutes after I come home from work- I need to ’cool down’.
2. Don’t call me by name; you remind me of work, because people having been shouting my name in the kitchen all day. Call me ’honey’ or ’baby’ or ’just talk’.
3. Get straight to the point- don’t give me graphical details or long stories.
The only thing I dread is the ’being away’ moments, and having to explain to the kids why dad is never home from Christmas, Easter and other holidays; it becomes more challenging when he has to be abroad for months.
However, our love tends to rekindle after durations of ’separation’ 🙂
Damaris, sounds like you found yourself a keeper and he chose the best woman to be his partner for life. Congrats to you two. Chef Lij, and Kari
Really loved this blog!! I’m an MC and was researching dons stuff since the Groom is a chef.. your article really helped me out!! Cheers guys
I have been with my chef boyfriend for 2 years. I have watched him work from a line cook all the way up to where he is now as an executive chef. He warned me when we first got together that his work is demanding and we will spend most days apart. I can’t lie, at first it got to me. It’s tough being the 3rd wheel to every event. It’s hard hearing “where’s the chef? We hope we get to meet him one day.” But one thing is true, though our relationship doesn’t look like everyone else’s, that we aren’t stuck to each other’s hip every waking moment, our love never waivers. He is the most committed, charming, genuine, dedicated, and loving man I have ever met. He gives 100% of himself to his work 5 days of the week and then does his best to give 100% of himself to me on his days off. And yes, the perks are wonderful. Walking into local restaurants and being noticed as the “chefs girlfriend” and then getting the friends and family discount will always be my favorite part of being a chef girlfriend.
Im so happy it has worked out well for you Brooke, two years into your relationship. He sounds lovely.
I filed for divorce at the 10 year mark because I no longer wanted to participate in dysfunction and chose the freedom to heal and grow and write a new life story.
Don’t forget the kids!
I wish I would have known that this would be my life. Had someone shown me the truth of being married to a chef, I wonder many at times, if I would have allowed myself to open my heart to him. Being married as a chef as boyfriend and girlfriend is great. Great dinners hosted, great dinners enjoyed, the nightlife, the freedom and still being able to be independent and have a life with your friends while he worked until you get married. The missed holidays, the questions from families every year after year, is he working today followed by my sarcastic response, every year. Chefs eat with their second families, not us. The lonely meals with the kids; the parenting alone; the kids birthdays he’s missed, the kids sports he couldn’t make; the new years count down without him.
And to top it off, the world said, I’m going to give you a son and he will be born on New Year’s Eve. The busiest holiday of the year. A day you’ll never see your dad. If I could do it again, I would not want this for my children. I could have dealt with the loneliness by myself but the impact to the kids is another whole list of reason it’s so very hard to marry and have children with a chef.
There’s no way to know just how lonely it can get until you live it.. but you have to create your own life and fulfillment beyond your marriage so you can thrive. Kids are very adaptable if they see that their parent cares deeply for them. You can find creative ways to make it work. Forget trying to measure your family by the yardstick of others. If you are to cultivate a happy, healthy home, you have to create a different rule book for yours. Early birthdays, late night celebrations etc. I used to drive to the hotel on NYE with bubs to ring in the new year. Now my chef ex husband doesnt even live in the same country so that has been hard on our child but he has had to adjust and learn to thrive nonetheless.